Sir, I believe you are drunk. Yes, it may be the end of the year and are well enclined to do what you choose in these times of intoxicating (in more ways than one) freedom, but please pay attention to the Etiquette and manners that are unspoken in times of being in a crowd, namely Moshing.
1. If you wish to get to the front of the crowd, doing the following is not acceptable:
- Forcing your way through holding a cigarette,
- Forcing your way through holding a precarious looking plastic pintglass of something that may just be pee. However, since Murphy Law states that you never, see someone filling up a bottle with their pee in a concert setting, it could just well be Carling.
Pouring a drink down a girls's top and nearly burning them with your cigarette does not make you sexy, shows you up to be a moron and wins you no friends.
2. As hard as it is to believe, Moshing requires you to jump about with a lot of people in a small space. On average you could probably fit 30 moshers into the area the size of a toilet cubicle. Therefore, if someone says that they can not move forward due to the sheer mass of drunk, squashed people in front of them, it would do them best to believe them and try and make your way to the front of the moshing another way. They say that you should never underestimate the stupidity of men in groups-how about the stupidity of a man who thinks that they can defy the laws of physics and ran their way to a front like a snow plough with a drink in hand? As well as pouring your drink down your writer's top, you will have her praying that it wasn't pee in that cup. Ramming will result in everyone getting thrown forwards, crushing the legs of the ones in front and again will win you no friends.
Not apologising for sending your fellow moshers-or moshettes-flying as you try to re-enact the parting of the Red Sea is just plain rude.
3. Try and figure out why you are so desperate to get to the front. If you are there to see your favourite band in the entire world, then there is justification in trying to get to the front. If you are watching a decent tribute act but with a frontman that looks like Freddie Mercury if he ate all the pies, then why do you care about getting to the front? No-one will say that your moment of jumping onto the stage with a Tribute Act was the highlight of your evening.
4. There is a reason why people in a crowd will dance with their hands in the air. Okay, it may result in your BO being smelt by all and sundry, but that way more people can see the act and crowd in together. No-one wants to see your breakdancing, so do not dance by ramming your elbows into the back of the people behind you.
5. Do not scream/squeal if you are next to someone's ear.
6. Think before you stage dive and try to ride on top of the crowd. Jumping off the stage on to the top of a girl who is about 5' 2" and breaking her nose will ruin the concert for her.
Admittedly, at the gig I went to, 6 did not happen, but I was amazed at how many people wanted to act like idiots just to hear a tribute act sing 'One Vision' by Queen.
